Luke is joined by Ryan Black the founder of Infiniteman to talk about the demonization of men who are trying to improve their lives. It has now gone beyond demonization into big social media companies that are censoring companies that promote these ideals. Why is this happening and what can we do now?
Ryan Black – http://infinitemansummit.com/
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Transcript
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welcome back beautiful amazing human
beings this is a Grotowski here in
0:00:03.389,0:00:06.899
London Stan and today’s video is gonna
be a little bit different because we’re
0:00:06.899,0:00:11.099
gonna get into self-help personal
development and the very odd censorship
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that is happening for personal
development companies regarding men and
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to talk about that we have Ryan Black
who is the founder of infinite man which
0:00:20.550,0:00:25.289
is a company that does real kind of
social dynamics personal development for
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men and Ryan you being assists white
male i disavow you and why do you hate
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women awesome thanks to that awesomely
loaded question Luke but you do like
0:00:39.420,0:00:43.829
although jokingly make an interesting
point which is that this for some reason
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right over the over the last few years
there seems to be this demonization of
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guys who want to just improve their
lives they want to be able to meet women
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they want to learn about social dynamics
and there’s been a huge sort of pressure
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against guys that want to do that
against companies that are teaching guys
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how to develop themselves how to make
themselves better people by social media
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companies by Amazon by Facebook and
we’ve experienced this and it’s a it’s a
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kind of a crazy time to be a guy I think
in this world where there’s all this
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kind of negative pressure against you
and that’s something that we’re kind of
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trying to push back against and just
trying to be like hey we just want to
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make guys amazing so that they can be in
amazing relationships with women and
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everybody can be happy I don’t think you
know there’s anything wrong with that
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sounds very very hateful to me no but
all seriousness you I do have to agree
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that there is a lot of social pressure
there’s a lot of convoluting messaging
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especially in mainstream media if you
look at any kind of male character that
0:01:53.640,0:01:57.689
he’s kind of characterized as being a
lazy incompetent dumb human being and
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there are some things in the
self-development field that do need
0:02:01.320,0:02:05.219
criticism but there’s also a lot of good
things I’ve been personally looking into
0:02:05.219,0:02:11.250
it and it teaches people how to be just
human beings that are intrinsic that are
0:02:11.250,0:02:16.320
acting on
use that are worthy of praise rather
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than destructive it’s about having
confidence is about having respect for
0:02:21.450,0:02:24.900
yourself and your family and the people
around you a lot of those important
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lessons are I would say muddied by a lot
of the kind of bad players and bad
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actors in this but we’re seeing this
blanket kind of censorship just like we
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saw with VMO that just banned any
content teaching men how to meet women
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calling it demeaning meanwhile they have
a lot of interesting content up there to
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say the least we saw a man Amazon ban
Russia’s V book and then they approved
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it it was becoming a top seller now they
just banned it again we saw reddit ban a
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lot of forums what kind of pushback have
kind of you seen from being in this
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field yourself well yes since 2011 I’ve
been doing events seminars workshops and
0:03:07.650,0:03:13.530
things like that and I pretty much had
to except for you know that entire time
0:03:13.530,0:03:19.410
that if I applied to advertise on a
platform or applied for a bank account
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or applied for a way to collect credit
card information and stuff like that
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pretty much one or two times out of
every five or six that I applied we just
0:03:30.120,0:03:35.370
beam and with no real explanation no
real sort of like a you know reasons
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just like we don’t support your business
model or basically we don’t mind your
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business and you know speaking of people
in other industries that doesn’t seem to
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happen as much it just seemed because we
happen to be teaching men about how to
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have successful relationships but how to
be more confident about how to be more
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social for some reason that was
demonized to the point where we had
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Facebook ads account shut down many many
times we had Google accounts AdWords
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accounts shut down many many times with
no real explanation and not not just
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like an account would shut down but just
the URL of our company or business being
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sort of blacklisted so anytime we wanted
to set up a new account or something
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like that just be instantly banned and
the thing is is like at no point do they
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say look you’re st. like the reason
we’re doing this is because
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you’re saying these sort of demeaning or
derogatory things it’s like at no point
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did they say like you against women or
doing anything bad against women stuff
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like that which which you never did it
was just like no you know we don’t want
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to be associated with you a lot of the
stuff kind of teaches you to be genuine
0:04:42.380,0:04:48.350
to be honest to be truthful to your word
and to just be you you know a lot of
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times you know they throw around the
phrase just be yourself yeah that’s a
0:04:52.130,0:04:55.970
cheesy kind of generalized phrase but if
you look at the bigger kind of nuances
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that’s pretty much what kind of a lot of
the self-development teaches it’s about
0:04:59.810,0:05:03.800
to learn about yourself and learn about
how people interact learn how to make
0:05:03.800,0:05:07.850
people feel comfortable rather than
uncomfortable and we have really seen
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the opposite of you know men being very
creepy being very weird being you know a
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lot of the bigger kind of whether it’s
suicide bombers or shootings or gun
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attacks a lot of the violent crimes that
do come from men usually do come from a
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lot of men who don’t have good
relationships with women especially with
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the Elliott Rogers case which it was a
whole case filled with a lot of this
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information I don’t know if you want to
go into that and go into some of the
0:05:39.470,0:05:45.920
kind of bad actors in this entire field
that are not doing the right thing yeah
0:05:45.920,0:05:50.270
I think I think these days more than
ever with the way that with the way that
0:05:50.270,0:05:54.440
the media works with the way that social
media works what we’re seeing is men and
0:05:54.440,0:06:00.080
women are more than ever feeling
separate they’re feeling that there’s
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this there’s this tension and they don’t
know how to communicate with each other
0:06:03.680,0:06:08.420
and I don’t think any of these sort of
platforms right we’ve been sort of sold
0:06:08.420,0:06:11.900
this idea that these social media
platforms are somehow gonna enable us to
0:06:11.900,0:06:16.700
connect with each other more easily but
in fact what we see is like like more
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than ever guys just really aren’t sure
like well like you know how do I there’s
0:06:20.720,0:06:26.510
a guy I like in school or in class or
whatever or see at this cafe or whatever
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it is how do you know how do I start a
conversation with that how do I tell it
0:06:30.230,0:06:32.540
that I you know that I’m interesting had
that I want to take her out on a date
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and all this stuff this these things are
not being taught in school I was
0:06:35.450,0:06:38.060
certainly not taught it in school as I
mean that’s why I founded this company
0:06:38.060,0:06:43.009
to teach guys this stuff
because we’re not taught it and and on
0:06:43.009,0:06:47.740
top of that you have social pressure and
you have have the media and you have
0:06:47.740,0:06:54.189
schools and indoctrination camps
fundamentally teaching guys that like
0:06:54.189,0:06:58.580
fundamentally that their their interest
in women and their desire and their
0:06:58.580,0:07:04.249
sexual desire is like wrong and and that
the fact that they have it makes them a
0:07:04.249,0:07:07.909
bad person and they should never express
it right I remember when I when I
0:07:07.909,0:07:13.340
started University in the u.s. we had
orientation that was three days one full
0:07:13.340,0:07:17.689
day of that was sexual harassment and
what constitutes sexual harassment and
0:07:17.689,0:07:21.620
they gave all the girls rape whistles
and they and you know they said you know
0:07:21.620,0:07:27.229
if if a guy if you if you if you don’t
get consent and you don’t you know say
0:07:27.229,0:07:30.469
the right thing you don’t check with her
that it’s okay and and you know you’re
0:07:30.469,0:07:33.080
both drunk well then you’ve you know
you’ve raped her and you could go to
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prison so it just makes guys even more
terrified of of doing anything of saying
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anything so what happens is it it forces
guys to be way more passive well they go
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look I don’t want to make the first move
or do anything that might be sexual
0:07:45.830,0:07:50.930
harassment so I’m just gonna kind of sit
back and hope that you know somehow I’m
0:07:50.930,0:07:54.469
gonna end up getting into a relationship
with a girl or meeting a girl and so
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what happens is you get these guys that
because they’re told like your desire is
0:07:58.550,0:08:02.779
wrong saying anything is wrong doing
anything is wrong they sit back and
0:08:02.779,0:08:06.050
after years and years and years of
relationships not happening for them
0:08:06.050,0:08:09.500
they become bitter and resentful and go
oh you know what you know why don’t
0:08:09.500,0:08:14.930
these girls like me and a lot of that
really unfortunately that ends up that
0:08:14.930,0:08:19.129
resentment and that anger turns into
violence but that isn’t to say right
0:08:19.129,0:08:23.300
there’s this there’s no connection
between like one guy who was obviously
0:08:23.300,0:08:26.839
unhinged and a little bit insane or
whatever being bitter and resentful and
0:08:26.839,0:08:29.990
angry that he wasn’t getting interest
from women right he happened to go on
0:08:29.990,0:08:32.930
some of these forums and some of these
sites were where he was trying to find
0:08:32.930,0:08:37.010
some advice about you know how do I get
a date how do I meet a woman right that
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doesn’t mean that these sites were these
people advocating violence right it’s
0:08:40.969,0:08:45.589
just that one guy or two happen to be
angry and bitter and and turn to
0:08:45.589,0:08:49.279
violence right which nobody advocates
that I certainly you know don’t advocate
0:08:49.279,0:08:53.780
at all I mean one of the things
kind of personal development and in this
0:08:53.780,0:08:58.040
kind of entire field and and men’s
development kind of teaches you is also
0:08:58.040,0:09:02.660
how to make women feel not uncomfortable
and after learning about some of the you
0:09:02.660,0:09:06.320
know simple things how to you know read
and understand cues and how to not push
0:09:06.320,0:09:09.740
boundaries and how to understand if
you’re making someone feel uncomfortable
0:09:09.740,0:09:13.730
and uncomfortable you know a lot of
people that I interact do it we’re like
0:09:13.730,0:09:17.540
wow thank you so much I really
appreciate you having this hindsight and
0:09:17.540,0:09:21.320
not being needy and pushy or forcing a
kiss on me or touching me
0:09:21.320,0:09:26.030
inappropriately because so many men are
not taught how to interact with women
0:09:26.030,0:09:28.970
and to make them feel comfortable that
they make them feel uncomfortable and
0:09:28.970,0:09:33.260
and men a lot of men are screwed up
let’s a minute we need to be better as
0:09:33.260,0:09:38.480
men we need to know how to treat and
respect and and and honor ourselves and
0:09:38.480,0:09:42.680
honor women and and I think I think
that’s a big issue and I think self
0:09:42.680,0:09:46.760
development what you guys teach and what
other good companies teach is actually
0:09:46.760,0:09:49.820
doing that and making the world a better
place and getting rid of a lot of
0:09:49.820,0:09:53.810
conflict because there is so much
conflict between men and women and
0:09:53.810,0:09:57.830
really just being able to understand
each other being able to kind of
0:09:57.830,0:10:02.270
communicate openly is the first step to
ending it which i think is a good
0:10:02.270,0:10:07.460
process but also let’s submit it there
are some real bad people who have bad
0:10:07.460,0:10:13.010
intentions who only just want to get
there I don’t want to curse on here but
0:10:13.010,0:10:19.250
they just want to get their genital
areas wet and are doing it in in in in
0:10:19.250,0:10:23.510
bad ways would you say I don’t think
that’s a big representation of this kind
0:10:23.510,0:10:27.200
of field but I do believe it is
prevalent do you have anything to say
0:10:27.200,0:10:32.570
about that aspect and how to combat that
since it looks like bigger institutions
0:10:32.570,0:10:38.510
are just blankly censoring anyone with
similar keywords yeah I would say that
0:10:38.510,0:10:43.940
absolutely it comes down to the intent
behind what is that doing there’s
0:10:43.940,0:10:47.840
absolutely I mean I think in in any
industry right doesn’t matter what it is
0:10:47.840,0:10:54.010
there are some people usually a minority
who are out there for their own
0:10:54.010,0:11:00.710
interests and they want they will spread
whatever misinformation and whatever bad
0:11:00.710,0:11:07.520
advice that they that they want in
to whatever is profit from profit from
0:11:07.520,0:11:12.230
people make money fulfill their own
desire to sort of be looked up to
0:11:12.230,0:11:15.770
whatever it is and there’s there’s
absolutely guys like that in this
0:11:15.770,0:11:19.910
industry however I think the vast
majority the vast majority when it comes
0:11:19.910,0:11:23.870
to the guys teaching and the and the
guys learning this stuff the vast
0:11:23.870,0:11:28.640
majority of our students that come to us
is very simple they’re a decent
0:11:28.640,0:11:36.410
hard-working guy they’re often in you
know technical areas like engineering IT
0:11:36.410,0:11:41.360
things like that areas where they they
just don’t happen on a daily basis to
0:11:41.360,0:11:47.140
meet and interact with a lot of women
and for that reason they’re just like
0:11:47.140,0:11:51.080
you know I’ve never been told this stuff
I’ve lived my whole life I think I’m a
0:11:51.080,0:11:56.030
you know a decent guy I have really
really good intentions with women I just
0:11:56.030,0:12:00.260
I just want to meet one and respect her
and have her as a girlfriend or a wife
0:12:00.260,0:12:04.760
and I just don’t I just don’t know how
to I was never given I was never taught
0:12:04.760,0:12:07.700
these skills and these things and the
vast majority of guys teaching and stuff
0:12:07.700,0:12:12.230
including ourselves just want to help
guys like that learn some tools and
0:12:12.230,0:12:15.980
techniques they can use to communicate
this is where fundamentally comes down
0:12:15.980,0:12:20.540
to right and this is what the attend is
about with us it’s about how can you
0:12:20.540,0:12:24.590
communicate as effectively as possible
what your feelings are what you’re
0:12:24.590,0:12:30.290
thinking what your intent is in as
effective a way as possible – girls you
0:12:30.290,0:12:34.610
find interested in so that they can
choose right out of their own free will
0:12:34.610,0:12:37.580
they can choose to either continue
having a conversation with you and going
0:12:37.580,0:12:42.080
on a date with you or politely saying I
I’m not interested that’s okay and you
0:12:42.080,0:12:45.770
being able to accept that and move on or
continue things to the next level
0:12:45.770,0:12:49.700
that’s all we’re ever advocating and at
any point right we can’t we constantly
0:12:49.700,0:12:53.570
at every step of this interaction we say
if if the girls not comfortable with
0:12:53.570,0:12:56.030
this if he doesn’t want to continue
talking to you if she doesn’t want to
0:12:56.030,0:12:59.270
continue you know giving you a number I
shouldn’t want to go on a date with you
0:12:59.270,0:13:03.170
or whatever it is we say if she’s
definitely none she says no with it you
0:13:03.170,0:13:07.040
know a serious phase then that’s the end
of the interaction you move on you let
0:13:07.040,0:13:10.160
her you know do what she has to do and
that’s very very important and it all
0:13:10.160,0:13:14.270
comes from the place of not trying to
get what you want out of somebody but
0:13:14.270,0:13:17.150
how what’s the most effective way to
communicate
0:13:17.150,0:13:21.200
how you feel to other people so it comes
down to taking responsibility for
0:13:21.200,0:13:25.070
yourself and how you communicate with
others not many people have that and if
0:13:25.070,0:13:28.220
you look at the bigger kind of society
that we live in we either have some
0:13:28.220,0:13:32.900
weird in cells who are just in the
corner staring at women or just
0:13:32.900,0:13:35.840
following them around down the street
making them feel uncomfortable because
0:13:35.840,0:13:39.830
they don’t feel secure enough to even
talk to them or you have some brutish
0:13:39.830,0:13:47.690
idiot they know there’s so many
different things that people just get
0:13:47.690,0:13:51.020
wrong and I just wanted to leave the
last question to you what are some
0:13:51.020,0:13:54.920
greater kind of misconceptions what are
some of the bigger truths that you’re
0:13:54.920,0:13:58.100
not going to hear from the mainstream
media that you have learned from this
0:13:58.100,0:14:07.130
entire industry yes so I think a huge
huge profound profound truth that I’ve
0:14:07.130,0:14:12.350
learned and experienced myself and then
I teach to other people is we’re told
0:14:12.350,0:14:16.480
but we’re told by the media were told by
society we’re told even by well-meaning
0:14:16.480,0:14:22.490
parents and and and friends relatives
and things like that that your your
0:14:22.490,0:14:28.820
sense of happiness and fulfillment is
acquired from outside yourself we’re
0:14:28.820,0:14:36.260
told that the opinions of other people
and how other people perceive us is the
0:14:36.260,0:14:39.800
most important thing and that what we
need to do is we need to work quire
0:14:39.800,0:14:44.840
stuff and we need to acquire things in
order to prove to other people that
0:14:44.840,0:14:50.990
we’re worthy of them that we’re worthy
of respect from them men are told that
0:14:50.990,0:14:56.450
we need to we need to acquire wealth and
we need to wear you know fancy clothes
0:14:56.450,0:15:02.720
and we need to drive a fancy car so that
we can gain approval from women so that
0:15:02.720,0:15:07.490
you know will be enough for them and one
of the one of the the core truths and
0:15:07.490,0:15:10.880
something that you know that we spend a
lot of time teaching when we do the
0:15:10.880,0:15:14.630
events and stuff like that is that you
were already enough you don’t need to
0:15:14.630,0:15:19.700
acquire anything outside of yourself you
don’t need to be anybody else you don’t
0:15:19.700,0:15:25.040
have to pretend to be some something or
somebody that you hope other people will
0:15:25.040,0:15:28.340
approve of that you hope that girl that
you’re interested in would approve of
0:15:28.340,0:15:32.589
you only have to be
the the absolute best version of
0:15:32.589,0:15:36.769
yourself
and I think a huge misconception that’s
0:15:36.769,0:15:41.750
that’s surrounding this industry is that
by doing what I just said alright by
0:15:41.750,0:15:44.360
trying to be the best version of
yourself by trying to learn strategies
0:15:44.360,0:15:48.620
and techniques for effective
communication for being for having more
0:15:48.620,0:15:52.820
confidence in social situations that
this is somehow manipulative that it’s
0:15:52.820,0:15:56.209
somehow manipulating people into doing
something that they wouldn’t otherwise
0:15:56.209,0:16:00.320
do or they don’t want to do so that you
can get something out of them this is
0:16:00.320,0:16:05.390
very much about for most people I’m not
saying everybody but for most people
0:16:05.390,0:16:10.579
this is about not trying to manipulate
people not trying to get stuff out of
0:16:10.579,0:16:16.370
people it’s trying to firstly accept
yourself and then from the place of
0:16:16.370,0:16:22.279
self-acceptance communicate and and give
out value to other people and then all
0:16:22.279,0:16:25.670
that happens is some people when you
give out that value when you express who
0:16:25.670,0:16:28.250
you really are from that place of
self-acceptance
0:16:28.250,0:16:31.730
some people resonate with that and you
create connections with those people
0:16:31.730,0:16:36.290
based on whether you resonate with them
or not and the life literally can be as
0:16:36.290,0:16:40.310
simple as that
hallelujah amen and die it’s that simple
0:16:40.310,0:16:44.570
but yet that much more complex because
of the weird kind of world that we live
0:16:44.570,0:16:46.459
in
Ryan black thank you so much for all the
0:16:46.459,0:16:49.190
information really appreciate all your
time the links to Ryan will be in the
0:16:49.190,0:16:53.839
description below and once again thank
you beautiful amazing wonderful caring
0:16:53.839,0:16:58.790
human beings for spending time with me
and having your attention if you
0:16:58.790,0:17:01.970
appreciated this video share it with
your friends family members and of
0:17:01.970,0:17:06.819
course love you guys stay tuned for a
lot more
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