VIDEO: This One Mental Trick Can Help You Defeat Anger

Imagine you have an open wound on your hand as someone comes to shake it. What do you feel?  Pain!

The pain is not being caused by the person shaking your hand.  The pain is coming from your wound and is being activated by the person shaking your hand.

The people in your life have wounds as do you.  When someone becomes angry with you there is a very good chance you have unintentionally touched one of their wounds.  Where do wounds come from?

Some come from our childhood while others come from our previous relationships.  All of our wounds are emanating from emotional distress we have felt in our past.  What can you do when you realize you may have touched a wound of a loved one?

When a wound is being touched it can reawaken within a person feelings of being unloved, devalued, guilty, ashamed, rejected, abandoned, etc.  Given the unpleasant nature of these emotions most people resort to anger.

Anger serves as a quick fix to hide and conceal the hurt that an individual is feeling.  Similar to a drug, anger helps disguise a person’s problems even from themselves.

The person who is lashing out at you in anger doesn’t want to hurt you – they unconsciously want to protect themselves from feeling hurt.

Once you are able to see your wife, husband, boyfriend, girlfriend, child, or parent for who they truly are – a hurt person rather than an angry person – you will be ready to confront the situation in a much more effective way.

Instead of defending yourself and retaliating with anger (which never works), you can strive to help them understand the pain they are feeling.  You can strive to help them discover the origin of their wounds.

Show them support by validating their emotions as opposed to shutting them down.  Ask them from a place of love and care:  Why are you feeling upset?

This question may cause them to re-examine their own role in the situation.  Perhaps they will share with you what it is you did that caused them to feel hurt.  Perhaps after introspection they will discover that you were not the only cause for their pain.  Perhaps they will realize they have some unresolved “issues” inside of themselves.

It is not our job to to do the “moral inventory” of others.  It is our job to improve ourselves and do our best to support the people we love to do the same.

We are all human beings and we all make mistakes.  In my own relationship, I have failed several times in applying the insights I have shared with you today.

But I can tell you that when I did choose to see my girlfriend as hurt as opposed to angry, when I did choose to try to understand as opposed to fight back, not only did I save myself from an unnecessary headache and make her feel supported – but I felt a deeper and closer connection with her.

This week do not be fooled by anger.  Remember: Anger is a mask for negative emotions that a person must embrace and confront in order to heal themselves.